


Broken Beyond Repair

by perrysghost



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: DPS, M/M, anderperry, everyone is gay because I said so, it hurt to write this, it just gets sadder, neil's dad is a dick, this is going to crush you im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27902251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrysghost/pseuds/perrysghost
Summary: No one should have to stand and watch the person they love break beyond repair.But Todd Anderson didn’t have a choice.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Broken Beyond Repair

Todd's eyes shot up towards the door as it almost swung off its hinges as Neil burst into their room, tears threatening to spill from the broken boy's eyes. He tried to speak as he saw a concerned look cross Todd's face, but he couldn't manage to get even a single word out before the tears began to fall. No words had to be said between the two before Todd dropped his book on the floor and ran over to his boyfriend, engulfing the now sobbing boy in a hug. Todd's heart broke as he comforted Neil, having no choice but to watch as the love of his life crumble right before his eyes. 

Neil was fragile and it was only a matter of time before someone shattered him.

After calming Neil down, Todd sat cross-legged on the floor as he looked into a pair of eyes that were no longer filled with the life that they once had been. Whatever had happened to Neil, it wasn't good. It had broken him.

'Neil, what's going on?' Todd asked, not too sure on how to approach the situation. 'You don't have to tell me everything, but please talk to me. I can see that you're hurting- how can I make it better?'

'My father visited me,' was all the information Todd needed to realise just how bad the situation was, 'he found out about the play. God, Todd I've never seen him so angry.'

'Oh Neil, I'm so... I don't even know what to say.'

'It gets worse.' Neil replied, his eyes meeting Todd's for the first time since he entered the room. 'He's making me quit. I don't know what to do; I can't quit, its tomorrow night.' Neil's eyes began to water again as he struggled to keep himself together.

Todd reached over and took Neil's hand in his, gently rubbing small circles into his palm. Although he appeared calm on the outside, his mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour trying to find a solution or anything that could help the situation, but he had drawn a blank. He couldn't think of anything that would help the boy sat opposite him. Looking up at Neil, he tried to say something that would make him feel better, but the look on Neil's face told him that he couldn't say anything to help. Neil had no choice to quit the play and they both knew it.

\------

The couple had fallen asleep together on Todd's bed, Neil's head resting on his boyfriend's chest. It was well into the early hours of the following morning when Neil woke up, listening to Todd's heartbeat to help calm his anxiety. He didn't know what to do; his father had told him that he had to quit the play and there was no way he could disobey him without having to face the consequences. But Neil didn't want to give up acting. All his life he was seen as nothing more than a way for his father to live the life he wished he could have had. But in doing this, Neil's father had left him an empty shell; a shadow of the boy he once was. He so desperately wanted to stand up to his father, to tell him that he was so unhappy living a life he had no control over, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. There was nothing in the world that Neil feared more than his father. 

He couldn't go on living a life that wasn't his. 

After what felt like an eternity of lying there with nothing but his own thoughts, Neil felt Todd stir as he realised that the morning sun had started to light up the room that they shared. He felt sick as it dawned on him that he was going to have to somehow find a way to tell his castmates that he couldn't be in the play anymore and the mere thought of how disappointed they would be felt almost worse than having to face his father if he didn't quit. Although he didn't want to admit it, deep down he knew that for once he had to do what he wanted rather than what he was told to do. He couldn't let go of the only chance he would ever have at living life for himself rather than for his father. Neil was going to do the play and he was going to be the best he could possibly be.

\-------

Todd was with the others getting ready, the room buzzing with excitement as they made some finishing touches to their hair. The entire group was so happy that Neil was finally able to do what he had always dreamed of doing and Todd's heart was bursting with pride. He had always admired Neil's strength; there was no way he would be able to cope even half as well as Neil had in the situation he had been put in. After a final call from Mr Keating, the group of boys bustled out of the bathroom and into Mr Keating's car. The entire journey there consisted of everyone teasing Todd about Neil, only causing him to get even more flustered as usual, still not quite used to having all the attention on him.

As they made their way to their seats, Todd looked up at the stage and grinned. He was struggling to contain his excitement as he gushed over Neil to Mr Keating, who was now sat in the seat next to him. The lights began to dim and the curtain rose Todd was grinning from ear to ear. He knew that this meant the absolute world to Neil and as soon as he saw his boyfriend up on the stage he knew that's where he belonged. Neil was shining on the stage, every single one of his lines dripping with emotion; anyone would be able to recognise that the boy was bursting with talent.

The final time Neil appeared on the stage, Todd noticed his demeanour change. His tone was different, more meaningful as if he truly meant every word he was saying. He didn't know why this had happened, but he knew that something was not quite right. Todd was broken from his deep thought by Mr Keating as he stood up and began to clap. He jumped up out of his seat, clapping and cheering alongside his classmates. They were all so incredibly proud of Neil and they made sure he knew it when he stepped forward to take his bow. Neil's eyes met Todd's and they both grinned wider than they possibly could.

Once the lights came back on, the group moved outside, waiting for Neil to appear so they could congratulate him on his performance, however when they saw him they all got an unexpected shock. Neil's father was dragging him out by his arm and the boy looked as if he was about to burst into tears. Todd ran up to him, only getting a chance to say a few words before Neil was pushed into his father's car. The two stared at each other with sad eyes as the car drove off. Todd had no idea of the words shared between Neil and his father, but he knew that it wasn't going to end well for his boyfriend.

For the entire journey home, no one said a word. The car was filled with a deafening silence. They were all worried about Neil as they knew exactly what his father was capable of. Todd was being consumed with worry; he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he knew that his boyfriend was alright, so after lights out he decided to sneak out and go to Neil's house to check on him. It was freezing outside, the ground filled with a fresh blanket of snow that he left a trail of footprints in, beading all the way up to the room which he knew was Neil's after their endless late-night conversations about their homes.

Todd wasn't entirely sure how he was going to get into Neil's room, but when he noticed the window had been left open, he climbed up the wall whilst clinging onto a large plant that climbed all the way up the side of the house. Once he had climbed through the window and past the crown that Neil had worn in the play that was placed on the windowsill, Todd noticed that Neil's bed was empty. No matter how many times he tried to reassure himself that Neil was probably in the bathroom, he couldn't get rid of the feeling of dread that lurked in the pit of his stomach.

He was broken from his thoughts by a loud bang that almost resembled a gunshot and stood there, slightly dazed, before realising that that's exactly what the sound had been; a gunshot. Todd was no longer worried, he was petrified. Without so much as thinking about the noise he would make, Todd rushed out of Neil's room and down various stairs and corridors until he found the only room with an open door. He prayed that what he heard wasn't what he thought it was, but as soon as he walked into the room he knew that something horrible had occurred just moments earlier. Todd scanned the room before his eyes landed on a notepad on the desk, the only words written on it were 'Todd Anderson, I'm so lucky to have known you'. Those few simple words hit him like a bus. he tore the paper from the notepad, wanting to ensure that he had it forever and slowly the realisation began to set in. This was serious and much as he wanted to pretend that this wasn't real, that single piece of paper had confirmed Todd's worst nightmare. Neil was gone.

Todd stood in the middle of the room and looked around for a moment, letting the words sink in before he noticed smoke rising from the ground behind the desk, which he assumed belonged to Neil's father. As much as he didn't want to see what the cause of the smoke was, he knew he had no choice. Todd slowly edged towards the slowly rising smoke, which he found came from the gun which had previously made the gunshot. He slowly walked further around the desk until he saw a hand. Neil's hand. Todd let out a choked sob as he ran towards the body, sobbing and screaming Neil's name. He didn't know what else to do; he had just lost the love of his life, his soulmate and there was nothing he could do to bring him back. Neil was gone. Panic set in as he held the lifeless body to his chest. Thoughts were racing through his mind at a hundred miles an hour, but yet again, he couldn't think of anything that could help the situation. Neil had died, and Todd had died with him. The couple were soulmates; that's what they had told each other. Their souls were intertwined. When one shatters, the other one does too, unable to survive alone.

Neil was fragile and his own father had shattered him.

**Author's Note:**

> okayyyy so that hurt
> 
> but yeah this is the first time I've written anything in months which explains why its a bit crappy. the fact that its almost 2am and I wrote it all in one go probably didn't help, so sorry about that.
> 
> thank you for reading it though! it really does mean a lot to me :)) 
> 
> if you feel like following me on twitter my @ is @/idlyella


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